When you snoop or look into someone’s past it can be detrimental. I suppose it’s almost like asking for something negative. I think sometimes maybe I search too much for the honest that I’m willing to put myself through hell and back to find it. I keep digging trying to find an answer that isn’t there. A while ago I found an email and I didn’t like it. Today for the first time I read the whole thing. You did lie or maybe your semantics saved you. You did regret it. I really need to stop this because it’s not healthy, I really need to stop digging. I will let the past be the past because I know, better than most, that we all make mistakes.
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We the average, the thick, the athletic, the not in trendy skinny since when was merit based on appearance? There is nothing average about any individual and nothing individual about any one person. Next time you look at a magazine and compare yourself, next time you in the depth of your heart pass judgment on weight, next time you feel envy do me a favor… Realize it’s not that important. This is my proclamation I will no longer be held to your social norm to your socially acceptable. Love everyone, be humble, respect others. There is no time to be wasted on disdain or jealousy. Lastly first and foremost work to love yourself.
Quote reblogged from On Her Way.... with 30 notes
I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part, it worked. Every time I heard a sound of unknown origin or felt something horrible sohering in my imagination, I pushed it away. I simply did not let myself to beget power. And it wasn’t long before I actually wasn’t afraid.
Source: onherway
There is only just right now. Maybe I have gotten it wrong this whole time, or maybe not even wrong just over thought and never thoroughly enjoyed. I don’t know just lying there tonight, looking at you, being so ever present and nowhere else. It made me realize how utterly happy I am. I keep asking myself questions or rather questioning myself. Everything pre thought, every conversation already made up in my head, every defensive tactic planned. Maybe it’s time to stop being so defensive. I have never been this happy. I think maybe that it’s time to start living. And maybe I’ll never be a successful writer, but what is success, if not ever present happiness.
So then tell me that people don’t change
So then you wouldn’t change either
Such sad and distant beauty
With no secret to tell
Wrap you in my chest, so safely I’ll keep you
I have scars on my heart
From letting all the wrong ones in
So delicate to the touch, my skin
And then today you told me you wished you were a liar
Legs intertwined with mine
As if we were on fire
A love so intense
Enamored, inspired
Burn through my skin
Turn me outside in
And invite the suffer
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The phone rings and it’s your dad. Usually the response this would elicit should be some form of joy or maybe even comfort. My dad calls me and I can hear it in his voice that those emails were not his words. He sneaks away to call me. I can’t just let it go though. When I tell people about my brother, which is not a topic I revisit frequently, they deem me harsh because I tell them he is dead to me. As of late he is in jail for armed robbery. Just before that he told my mother he owed some drug dealers money and that they sodomyzed him. He played off my mothers weakness, the fact that as a child she was raped and molested. These two figures in my life, at one point two very important figures have let me down in such a gargantuan manner that I cannot remember when they were different people. I cannot remember when Doug was the brother I loved or when my father was my hero because it is so heart breaking. I cannot feel sympathy for them because then the sympathy would lead to hope. I used to have hope Doug would get better, I learned long ago that it was hopeless. I am not letting one or two actions dictate my sentiment or lack there of for these two people rather, I am letting years worth of actions dictate their fate in my heart. To what degree do we let it go? There are some people who can so readily forgive and there are still others who hold on to the anger like a flame. I’m not sure where between the two I fall.
Torrential downpours do pass
And furthermore what good is it to live in the past?
Calculating a failure that has yet to occur
When I tell you I love you from the depths of my soul
No deceit trickles from the tongue
Isn’t there an old adage that states
We do sometimes learn from our mistakes
Navigating uncertain waters
If I can navigate them with you
Then throw away the map with all its twisted bends and curves
I’d rather navigate the uncharted with you
Then set course for a smooth sail
When I tell you you’re my world
Do not take these words in vain
For the value of words have never been unfamiliar to me
And they have never been fake.
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It’s amazing how the mind files things away and then somehow trails off into the abyss. It creates conversations that have not happened and scenarios that put you through heartache. It can make you questions “mind are you friend or foe”? Driving in the car today I started thinking about my mom which led to the thought of how negativity can be an addiction which somehow led to the thought of the bill my boyfriend and I now share. I had always prided myself on how much I loved being alone. The thought of living with someone really had not sounded appetizing to me before. I loved my room and my bed. I loved to shut myself in because it felt like home. Now however, when I’m in that room I do not feel at home, I feel lonely. Don’t get me wrong, there is a part of me that will always want to be in my own head and sometimes to the chagrin of others I stay trapped in there too long. It’s strange and some how strikingly lovely to see my personal evolution. Where once I was alone and found comfort in that solitude there is now a deafening freedom in being with the person I love.
Quote reblogged from On Her Way.... with 6,503 notes
I beg young people to travel. If you don’t have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. Eat interesting food. Dig some interesting people. Have an adventure. Be careful. Come back and you’re going to see your country differently, you’re going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You’re going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. It’s not what Tom Friedman writes about; I’m sorry. You’re going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can’t get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people—Americans and Europeans—come back and go, ohhhhh. And the light bulb goes on.
Source: runouttheguns
Quote reblogged from On Her Way.... with 1,235 notes
You believed in the Tooth Fairy once, and Santa. You believed that your parents weren’t people, they were parents, and regular-person rules didn’t apply to them. You believed your heart was shattered for good, and you’d never love again. But you learned, you grew, you changed, and your beliefs changed with you.
It’s time to outgrow the belief that we are somehow inferior because we don’t look a certain way, wear certain things, live certain lives. It’s time to laugh it off when a magazine tells us we need to firm up and slim down, no matter how firm or slim we might already be. It’s time to focus on ourselves, as we are, instead of the selves that somebody else thinks we should be.
Because the secret is out: There is nothing wrong with us. Not a single, solitary thing.
Source: rawwomen
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